Springtime by Claude Monet
In a word, I am absolutely discouraged, not seeing, not hoping in any future...I feel all too well the void that is being made around me.
You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery.
1 PM: I need to sleep.
1 AM: I need to figure out what to do with my life.
She reminded me of crisp spring mornings and sticky melted honey on toast. Both of which, I found utterly irresistible.
Have you ever traveled to a mountainous part of the world when it was cloudy and rainy? You look out your windows and you can see almost nothing but the ground. Then the rain stops and the clouds part and you catch your breath because there, towering right over you, is this magnificent peak. But a couple of hours later the clouds roll in and it has vanished, and you don't see it again for a good while. This is what it is like to get to know a Christian. You have an old self and a new self. The old self is crippled with anxieties, the need to prove yourself, bad habits you can't break, and many besetting sins and entrenched character flaws. The new self is still you, but you liberated from all your sins and flaws. This new self is always a work in progress, and sometimes the clouds of the old self make it almost completely invisible. But sometimes the clouds really part, and you see the wisdom, courage, and love of which you are capable. It's a glimpse of where you are going.
Work until your eyes are tired and head is heavy, and keep working even after that. Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You're doing just fine. You're doing fine. I'm doing just fine.